I should probably change my name to Cain. Really. I made a bad choice this week and only myself and God are aware of it. I can feel him peering into my very soul, every corner and crevice. And even though he knows exactly where I am and what I've done, He still calls me. I am the reluctant one. Reluctant to come forward into His light. Ashamed that I failed a test. Unwilling to sully his presence with my sin. OOOh, did I say sully? I did because it fits my loathsomeness. What horendous crime did I commit? Well, I refuse to state my sin because by our standards many will think, oh, you're being too hard on yourself, but I beg to differ. Sin is sin and we should feel the weight of it. Whether its a lie or murder or all sins in between, we should feel the conviction of the Holy Spirit. We should feel the shame of wrongdoing.
I am going to make my journey today, humbly and repentantly, to His feet. I will beg His forgiveness. He will pick me up, dust me off, love me and say "go and sin no more". How do I know these events, before they have happened. Because that's the forgiving and loving God I serve and because that is what He always does- FORGIVE. The hardest part is forgiving myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment